I was wrong about the BFN...it's really a BFP!!!!!

Sooo I thought AF was coming and just knew for sure she was. I was having some spotting on Monday which I thought was AF coming. That's what she does. Well after Monday morning I didn't see anymore blood. I told myself that if AF doesn't come by Sat I'll test. Well she didn't come so I tested Sat morning. I got up and took it with the 1st morning pee. I was shocked when it was a BFP...I was soo shocked I took the other test just to make sure and that also was a BFP...so I had my blood drawn and my levels where 324.5..I was very happy. I'm so happy that god has given us this chance..I'm thankful for the miracle he has given us. Thanks again to everyone for all their prayers!!

I Passed

So today I took my Phletbotomy State Exam and I passed. I was sooo nervous I couldn't stop shaking. But I did it and I'm so happy it's over...now I can finsih my book I was reading before the class started and I can start scrapbooking.

Well it's a BFN

Yup that's right AF come today or at least she's starting to. So all the symptoms I've been having are the results of her coming. This is very painful to expect and deal with. James and I wanted nothing more then to have a little baby. I thought I had a 99% chance of this happening. Well I was wrong..I must have been the 1% chance. I didn't even know what to think this morning when she came. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. If one more person tells me that it's going happen "next time" I so will scream. These are people that have never dealt with infertility problems. I'm now back to the point where I'm blaming myself for me not get pregnant. I blame my weight the most. If I wasn't so overweight maybe it would happen for us. We won't try again til Sept just so we can save up again. I don't even know if I should use the same donor or pick another one. I have no clue what to do now. I know one thing I'm going to try to lose as much weight between now and then.

Side Effects or Symptoms???

So have you ever taken some meds and read the side effects??? I think we all have at one point in our lives. By looking at them you say "oh yeah I have or have had that side effect". That's how I feel right now. I feel so many effects right now I don't even know what to think. I have a little cramping almost like AF is coming and then also I've felt like I was going to throw up yesterday for just a few mins. I also have tender breast..well not really breast but nipples..(sorry for TWI). I never recall having tender nipples when I'm about to start AF..but who knows. Also I've noticed my pee is a neon yellow color and that's even with tons of water in me. Which is clear whenever I drink lost of water. I don't know what to think. I just know that Sat can't get here fast enough. I almost lost in this past Sat and tested. I so could have because I have a test left but I didn't. I just feel I would be less hurt if AF came verses taking a test before it's time to test and getting a BFN. So we will see.

Still hanging in

So I'm still hanging in there. It's been ok dealing with this 2ww. I'm sure next week will drag and I will go crazy. So far I'm still feeling ok but having a few AF symptoms. But I was told that may happen. We are holding out hope that God will bless us. If AF doesn't come by next Sat morning I'm going to take a HPT. I've been buying a few baby things here and there for a while. We have under 10 things but it feels really go to buy them. I saw some clearance things today and grabbed them up. I know I may be setting myself for heartache but I still do it. Austin keeps asking "when am I going to find out if I'm going to have a little brother or sister". We keep telling him in a few weeks. I asked him that if we do get PG if he's going to be in the delivery room and he said "noway I may pass out". I laughed. I'm hoping if that time comes for us he will change his mind. I want him as much as involved as he can be.

I just wanna say thanks again to everyone for all their prayers and encouraging words...they mean the world to us.

So Far...

I've been feeling ok. I kinda have some cramping going on but that's about it. I feel tired but then again so much has been going on for me the past few weeks that I think I'm burnt out. I kinda feel like I have a score throat. But I'm also not sure if I starched my throat when I was eating taco salad for dinner. I sure hope I'm not getting sick.

I'm still taking the Phlebotomy class. I'm almost done. I just have Ch 3 test which I plan on taking tomorrow and I still have the online part, lecture and the state board. I also have a few more draws to do. So about 2 more weeks and we should be all done.

I'm hoping that this time next year....

James will be celebrating his 1st Father's day. He kinda already does as Austin's step dad but I know how much he wants to have a little one of his own. I keep praying that it's going to happen. I have to have faith and hope.

This would have been a great weekend for you Dad..a birthday on Sat and Father's Day today. You would have loved it. That also would have meant dessert 2 days in a row...we love and miss you each and every day. Please watch over us and keep us safe!!

Happy Birthday Dad

Today my dad would have been 63 years old. As most of you know he passed away 7 years ago from cancer. I miss him so much each and everyday. I know that he would be really pound of me and how my life has turned out. He was a easy going man that never really let anything get to him. I know it was his time to go but it also was to soon for us. Austin was only 5 years old, but he still has memories of his grandpa. My dad always had a different name for Austin...he would either call him Houston and Dallas...reason being because I named him Austin and that was a city in Texas and then when we moved to Germany he called him Conrad. I'll never forget the weeks I spent with him before his passing. They were the best weeks ever. Dad I hope you have the best birthday ever...we love and miss you bunches. Hugs and kisses!!

Things Went Smooth

So today was our big day. We got to your appointment a little early. Our appointment was at 11am but we didn't get back to see the Dr. til about 11:40am. Talk about having butterflies in my tummy...not to mention we both where very hungry. So we get back there and the Dr. comes in and shows us the results for the washing of the specimen. Before washing it was 25m and after the washing it was 18m...the Dr. was happy with and so was I. It hurt just a little...not really pain but cramping. It took him a few sec to get it in the cervix but he got it. It kinda felt strange..almost like having my HSG test done. After it was all done we left. He said we can take a home PG test in 14 days if Aunt Flo doesn't come. So please keep us in your prayers the nest 2 weeks that we will have our miracle.

On our way home we stopped at Panda Express to have some lunch. As I went to open my fortune cookies I really had good vibes about it. I knew it was going to be a good one. It read the following "Soon you will receive pleasant news" I just wanted to bust out crying. I know that was a sign from god! Well I'm off to rest. Thanks again for all your prayers.

It's A Goooooooo

So Friday the 13th is a go for IUI. I went in today for my 2nd U/S and he said I had 3 really good follicles. On the right side he found 3 there are 17x18,19x16 and 16x12. He said the 16x12 one isn't as big as he would like so that one may not work. On the left side I have 1 and it was 22x17. He seemed to be really happy with it and so was I. So tonight I take my HCG shot at 11pm. I was a little worried about taking this shot because the needle was huge but, the nurse told me today that the needle was just used to draw it up..I inject with the smaller need. Praise God. So I'm going to be brave and do it myself. But thanks Sarah for offering to help. So tonight is 1cc of HCG and then on the 14th and the 17th I take 1/2cc. I'm going to have James give me one of those, just so he can really feel involved. So Friday at 11am please say as many prayers as you can because that's when I hope our miracle happens. The 2 weeks after are going to be really hard. But if I waited this long I can wait another 2 weeks.

Oh WOW that's a huge needle

So I got my HCG shot today via Fedex. It's cool because it came with everything thing I need to give myself the shot. The only thing is it didn't tell me where to give it to myself. I looked online and it seems like it would be in the stomach. I also read that some people but ice on the area before doing it. I guess the Dr. will tell me when and where tomorrow. I go back for my 2nd U/S tomorrow. I'm excited about it. I just need everyone to keep praying for us. We need all we can get. I was looking at the needle and it's huge. I was like I'm sticking that in me? I'm sure once I get over the nervous part I can give myself the shot..we will have to see.

Ok so I'm not that good

I tryed playing Guitar Hero today with my son and hubby and they laughed like crazy because I totally suck at it. It's hard..and I was doing it on easy...I guess I need more practice. I can't wait til Austin gets Rock Band...now I know words to songs. I should do great at that.

I had to take a deep breath

Every since Tues evening I've been waiting for e-mail back from the company that we got or donor from. I was getting kinda nervous because I want it sent out June 10th so we can make sure it's here by Thursday. Well as of this morning I still had no response from my e-mail so I called. I have been emailing this lady for a few months now. She never everything that was going on. So I call and ask for her and they inform me she's no longer working there...talk about wanting to go crazy. But after a few phone calls back and fourth with the company everything is in place. It will be shipped to my Dr's office. I'm so happy about all this.

I have these huge butterflies. I'm not sure if it's because we are getting so close or because I'm taking the Phlebotomy class and I'm nervous about drawing blood. I have 50 draws to do and so far I've done 16. It's not to bad but I have my bad days..like yesterday was a hard one...all mine had little viens or none...but today was better. I jsut get butterflies. It will all work out.

Day 3 of Clomid

And I'm still doing good. I have had a few times when I started to get a little upset but I was able to control it and let it go. I'm trying and that's what counts. James and Austin have been great with not trying to upset me..I love them both so much!! Only 2 more days left.

Oh yeah I forgot

I'm also going to be taking a shot HCG. Someone from a mail order Rx will be calling me to make sure someone will be home when they deliver it.

The Ball is Now Rolling

So today was my 1st Ultrasound. I was really nervouse. But things went great. I was in and out. The U/S went great. The Dr. said that everything looked good and my ovaries looked great. I was very happy. I started Clomid tonight (please pray that my mood swings don't get to bad) I will be taking that for 5 days and then I got back for my 2nd U/S on June 11th. He's looking at doing the IUI on June 13th..yes Friday the 13th. I was like WHAT...it's funny because James and I were talking about if it was going to be that day. I was kinda hoping for June 14th because that's my dad's b-day and It's been 7 years since he passed on. But I'm ok with the 13th..plus the Dr. told me that was his lucky day...I sure hope he's right. I have so many mixed emotions right now. I'm soo happy but yet so scared. This is really happening. I just pray that God will give us the dream that we want so bad. I know if it's his will this will work. So please keep James and I in your prayers.

Soooo Excited...But Yet So Scared

So tomorrow I have my first ultrasound done. They call it a baseline. It's exciting that's it's really happening. I have been waiting for this time to come forever. So within 2 weeks we should be doing out IUI. My appointment is at 3pm so whenever I get home I'll update more.